A Final Reflection
- Oct 4, 2018
- 8 min read
Sarah
A Final Reflection…
Having reached the end of my independent project it is time to reflect on the process, the outcomes and the learning that has taken place. We have performed the piece twice and even in that small space of a time between the two showings there was already a slight shift. Small changes such as the addition of the still image repeated throughout the performance marked, for me, a further advancement in how we saw the piece and what we wanted our audience to see within it.
When working collaboratively you will, inevitably, always encounter challenge, especially when the work you are creating is personal. The studio sessions seemed hard work at times, possibly because both of us were being too polite! It wasn’t until the last possible moment when we had a sharing session that it seemed to finally kick into place and myself and Sonia were able to see the piece with fresh eyes! The success comes when you make the challenges work with you, not against you.
The piece, I believe, has great potential for progression and it almost feels as though this is the starting point, not the end! It would be interesting to further investigate the idea of still images for the audience to engage with and read throughout the performance.
The image of us with our masks on, facing directly to the audience became one of my favourite moments (even thought it was a last-minute addition). The strength in the image, in my opinion, didn’t need any explanation to convey our message. This harps back to us trying to limit the dialogue within the piece, something we tried to do, but think we could have pushed further.
I would also like to explore the idea of a series of scenes which have no link, only the subject matter, and interject these with the video clips of rehearsal. This way the through line of the characters/us - are shown through real life clips and extracts and the scenes are isolated. You keep the idea of narrative but the piece becomes more stylised in its form.
Another possibility for the future progression of the piece would be using a live steam to either a Facebook group called or a group that the audience could join on the way in, where they could share thoughts and feelings at given times throughout the performance. Either of these would again provide another layer to the performance and would also act as practice as research if we were to gain live comments and feedback whilst performing.
The importance of subverting the work became clear to me throughout this process, as by doing this you are layering your piece and engaging in critical thinking. Reflecting on our work I would like to add more subversion to the first scene. The audio that played whilst I was putting on my make-up should, I think, have been an entirely different train of thought – not about my make-up. It should have mirrored Sonia’s in terms of content. As it was, it worked, but the possibilities for it are much greater for me now that I have thought back on it.
I have learnt much about myself as a collaborator and as an artist. When looking to scholarly sources for inspiration I found the performance artist Bryony Kimmings was someone who I took a great deal from. Her work is extremely diverse and when investigating made me realise that once you push yourself to try a new style of performance and getover the initial terror of it not being neat and tidy then it does give you a real sense of freedom on stage and the feeling that you have the power to do anything you want as long as you have justification behind your choices and clarity. I would particularly like to collaborate with a musician and look to the possibility of writing my own songs. Taking my initial musical theatre training to a new place in terms of form and structure would be an interesting journey for me I’m sure.
The reason at the forefront of this investigation, for me, was that I have suffered from depression, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy when it comes to body image and physical appearance. The subject matter we are exploring is such an important one to talk about and if even one audience member is able to open up about one tiny part of their mental health then the purpose and initial intention of the piece has been achieved.
When considering the dramaturgical structure, we chose to play Sonia and Sarah – we were playing heightened versions of ourselves. This, I hope, created an immediate rapport with the audience and allowed them to invest in us and in our message. We were, by being Sonia and Sarah, exposing ourselves to our audience and letting them in behind the mask.
We had tried to embed the theory within our work but, I believe, we could have been more explicit with this. An example would be when we had the quotes from our research being playing for the audience to listen to. On reflection, it would have been more impactful if we had had three or four quotes played and then as performers we could have responded to them with a physical action that would subvert what the audience was hearing, thus layering the performance and providing further provocation to the audience.
I would like to finish with drawing attention to the Q&A as a demonstration of the success of our practice as research and the piece as a whole. We provided enough factual information to the audience to inform them but not so much as they were guided in their thoughts – they made up their own mind and the comments given during this session provided us with excellent insight into the message they took from the piece and the success of what we had created in terms of an audience reaction. I’m pleased to say it was a really positive one.
Link to Showcase Performance and Q&A
https://livemdxac-my.sharepoint.com/:f:/r/personal/ss3489_live_mdx_ac_uk/Documents/MA Final Project/videos/showcase?csf=1&e=HlVIwj
Sonia: A few (… right!) final thoughts…
… Too dramatic!
Let’s try again:
That’s more like it!
So, before saying goodbye, I wanted to just post a few thoughts about our assessment and showcase and, of course, the uncertainty of the future.
Assessment week or how to despair 24/7
As I said before, Sarah and I focused a lot on the process, research and studio explorations. Therefore when we finally got the script and the scratch of our play, it was already time for the assessment. Jo and Sam questioned us about the message we were saying and the way we were trying to show it. I was in despair! This feeling is definitely difficult to deal with but has lead me to a break through. I knew which moments weren’t clear enough (specially the ending), both from a story point of view but also from the character development one. So Sarah and I listened to each other (once I put my stubbornness a bit aside) and we questioned ourselves, the script, the characters… I believe that, if we had started constructing the play earlier in the process and had more rehearsals (without focusing on any designs or stage management) we would have make those questions before and could achieve a deeper understanding and way of saying our message.
I went through each scene and questioned the characters behaviours (If there is something I’m a pro at is at questioning everything!) and Sarah put her “director mode” (now Sarah?! I’m kidding. Sarah is a director but she let me lead in so many occasions throughout the process… once she said “And you say you’re not a director! Here you are telling me where to go in these parts”… In my defence it was just suggestions…) on and we made significant changes in scene 1 and 3.
I was a bit reluctant in showing my face during all scene 1 because the way I imagine it, it looked more powerful if the audience could just hear my thoughts and only see me in specific moments. Nevertheless the light design was not exactly how I wanted it to be, so the effect wouldn’t achieved anyway. After watching the recording of the changes I consider that, even though it wasn’t what I had in mind, it worked visually (see, again, stubborn!). While working in collaboration with someone you know that you’ll have to make concessions at some point (if you find yourself doing sacrifices, then I believe you have a problem) and I think that Sarah made a huge one when we decided not to use the choreography for scene 3. Don’t worry Sarah, if it’s any consolation we went from this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2YQXmNBnNA&feature=youtu.be
To now know how to work on QLab, make our own videos and projections, do light and sound design and work with the technical devices! So basically, to having a stamp of theatre makers on our foreheads!
The showcase or the unexpected response from the audience
From the assessment to the showcase, Sarah and I watched the recording and made a few more changes (… two perfectionists together…). We cut some of the long silences in scene 1 and add more emphasis to our hiding tools (Sarah’s mask and my yellow wool jacket) in some moments (alongside with some changes in the sound and light design).
We also decided to do a Q&A after the show. I agreed because I knew how important it was for our process (as including the videos during the performance was) but that doesn’t mean I was any comfortable with it! (That is pretty noticeable on the recording… although after watching it I realised that my brain was playing tricks on me (duh!) and it wasn’t as bad as remembered). The response we got was so much more active and positive than I was expecting! The day after some of the new MA students were still telling me parts they really liked! So Sarah, here is a proof that we were meant to do this project together:
It’s easier for me to talk about something personal in a performative way than in front of a lot of people unprepared. As I said in one of my first reports, I’m so afraid I’m going to be judged I have to block those thoughts. I get so nervous that I lose my track of thought and I think people will notice that and think I’m stupid. On top of that I was incredibly tired. This has been such an exhausting process… I still loved it and wouldn’t have it any other way though! (I’m going to start wearing a pin saying “Careful! I’m a perfectionist!”)
The future or… the uncertainty
… Right, now what? I haven’t got the faintest!
I believe the play has potential to be developed into something even more interventive, with the prospective to reach more people and hopefully make them question their own habits and perceptions of perfection, beauty, social anxiety, depression and social expectations. Nonetheless I’m not planning on continuing this project because it’s as much mine as it’s Sarah’s and she has other things going on at the moment. Plus this was developed to be just our MA final project (even though I see the potential of the topics and the final outcome if we’d decide to tour it). I might decide to continue exploring this themes but, if so, in a different project. This one was very personal… Why did I decide to put myself through such distress? I suppose it’s just the way I am! I felt a necessity of doing so and this was the time. I believe that (after moving to this country and adapting to the many different ways of doing theatre here) I had to have an honest and deep look inside my own characteristics as a performer and therefore as a person in order to break patterns and move on.
… hasn’t been easy! Returning the books to the library was a bit sad, especially my Nietzsche… and my converse finally gave up (I bought them on Primark, what was I expecting?).
So this is it!
Ballet shoes? Converse here, do you copy?
I couldn’t have done it without you… Thank you!
…
Converse out.
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